Heard around the house.

Liam: (in the midst of cleaning the kitchen) “So…that was interesting place you decided to put the spinach.”

Me: (in the bedroom, confusedThe spinach? That we ate during breakfast? “Huh? What are you talking about?”

Liam: “The spinach? I just found it inside the cupboard with the pots and the pans.”

Me: “What?! I didn’t put it in there.” Did I?

Liam: “You cleaned up after breakfast, didn’t you?”

Me: “I did?”

Two days later we are still confused as to who may have put the refrigerated spinach into the cupboard with the pots and the pans. Neither of us remembers doing so. Either we are both overworked and in need of a vacation, or we have a bogeyman living in the house that is fucking with us.


In a moment of equal distraction, on the way to the lake this weekend:

Liam: (after making a left turn through a red light) “Did I just go through a red light?”

Me: (again, confused) “Huh?”

Liam: (looking back to confirm) “I did. I just went through a red light.”

Me: (not really phased) “At least you looked both ways before turning.”

Liam: (disgusted with self) “Jeez. I need to go back to bed.”


Inside the car:

Frances: “Nora? Nora? Nora?”

Nora: (silence)

Frances: (persistently) “Nora? Nora? Mama, Nora not talking me.”

Me: (mildly annoyed) “Nora, please answer your sister when she’s talking to you.”

Nora: (calmly) “Mommy, I’m having quiet time. Can you tell Frances I’m not talking to her?”

Me: “No, you tell her, please.”

Nora: “Frances, I’m having quiet time now, so I’m not talking to you.”

Frances: (belligerent) “No! No quiet time! Nora? Nora? Nora? Nora? No fair! I be quiet time, too! I no talking anybody!”


Somebody please, save us from ourselves.


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