Tag Archives: Poop Issues

How long would our cloth diaper supply last if my husband followed through on his plan to trash, and not launder, every poopy diaper the middle child makes from this point forward? And other hypothetical questions, like, will she ever eat another vegetable again that isn’t some form of a potato?

Up until our son was born, our middle gal was a strong, healthy, and active eater. She would often eat multiple breakfasts, including most of mine and my husband’s. While our oldest girl is oftentimes skeptical of veggies, the middle one (formerly) wouldn’t think twice about gobbling up some of my eggs mixed with mushrooms, onions, greens, and asparagus. 

Although never a big fan of fruit, even as a baby—which I think is totally bizarre, by the way—she could eat her share and more of many a vegetable. She was especially fond of roasted cauliflower, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts.

I’m using the past tense because after our son was born, my breastmilk arrived. And with it, came the abandonment of vegetables for the middle child—as well as most other foods that aren’t toast, crackers, pretzels, Cheerios, or potatoesand the arrival of the worst poopy diapers ever known to this house. And perhaps, ever known to mankind.

We’ve been cloth diapering for four years now. When we were expecting with our oldest, a friend referred me to this site, where we learned all we could about using cloth. We eventually decided to give it a go. It’s worked out pretty well for us so far.

It has definitely saved us big money. I’ve read that parents can expect to pay around $2,000 for disposable diapers per child. We’ve made less than a $1,000 investment in cloth diaper supplies that will see us through three kids, though we still buy and use disposables when we travel, and to have on hand here at the house for when the laundry just doesn’t quite get done in time.

And there’s the environmental factor, which is nice too. We don’t make as much trash as we would using disposables, although one could argue we waste a lot of water keeping up with the washing of these things.

So, what are the downsides to using cloth? I used to think it was just the high maintenance of keeping up with the three-cycle (cold wash/hot wash/cold rinse), every-other-day washings. And there can be a slight yuck factor, though you get used to it after awhile. Think ammonia smells and dumping and rinsing the occasional dirty diaper.

However, I nowwe now—realize all else has paled in comparison to the recent poopy diapers that have come forth from our breastmilk drinking, white-food only eating toddler. THEY. ARE. THE. WORST. 

We are talking huge portions of soft, mushy, and smelly shite. Huge! The kind of shite that you can’t simply plop off into the toilet and easily flush away, like her diapers of yesteryear. The kind of shite that brings on insta-diaper-rash it’s so nasty.

These new diapers need to be scraped by toilet-papered hand, multiple times to have any chance of being able to be used again, and to avoid ruining our washing machine on account of being totally loaded.

Which is why my husband said recently that he plans on just throwing away the diapers from here on out. Not even bothering to try and clean them. I guess he’d rather buy disposables during this phase or just replace the cloth with new cloth. 

I suppose, now that I really consider it, those choices are far superior to the scraping and dumping and holding-my-breath-so-I-don’t-throw-up option with the giganta-turds we are now seeing at least once, if not several times a day.

If only she were into potty training, this nightmare could all just go away. At least I don’t really have to worry about her nutritional intake as I’m eating well enough for both of us. She’s bound to get lots of goodness from my milk. 

I just hope we can all survive this chapter of the parenting book.

Restaurant poops: A world record.

For the most part, our family is pretty good about cooking dinner at home. Every now and then, though, we enjoy going out to a restaurant so we can enjoy eating food others have cooked for us. The girls are normally pretty well behaved when we do go out, occupying themselves with crayons and papers, small conversation, and eating, of course. There’s usually just this one thing that has the potential to disrupt our lovely meal.

Lately—I’d say over the past couple of months or so—our oldest has been really into pooping while dining out. It seems like she rarely goes at home, but get her to a restaurant, and a few bites into a meal, and she’s raring to go. I find this mildly annoying and stressful for several reasons. The first being that it’s never a fast go and return kind of a thing, like when I have to use the facilities.

When we head into the restroom together I can count on being away from the table, and my meal, for at least five to eight minutes, sometimes longer. This can be problematic when you are in a single stall restroom. In these instances I find myself acting like a pooping coach, encouraging swift pushing and fast production. This forced rushing rarely bodes well for our slowpoke child. She’s much more concerned about asking why we need to hurry in the first place (there could be other people waiting just outside the door for us to finish!) and chatting idly with me through grunts about every topic under the sun.

Which brings us to another awkward, yet funny, side of these antics. Should we find ourselves in a multi-stall restroom, our neighboring potty-goers are sure to get an earful.

“Mommy. Why—ugh—do we have to hurry?”

“Because I’m hungry and I want to go back to the table.”

“But my poopy’s taking a long time to come out.”

“Yes. I can see that.”

“Mommy? You know what picture is stuck in my head right now?”

“No. What picture?”

“Ariel with clothes on. Isn’t that silly?”

“It sure is. Are you done yet? Do you think you can finish when we get home?”

Ugh. I just need—ugh—just a little more time.”

Oh, for Pete’s sake!

I don’t know what it is. Is it the novelty of being out someplace other than home? Does she really just want to check out the interior decorating schemes of as many public restrooms as she can ? Can restaurant food really have that much of a laxative effect on her little body? Whatever it is, she’s like a little world traveler collecting stamps in her passport book of restaurant potties.

This past week Liam had the day off with the girls on Nora’s birthday. Nora wanted French toast for breakfast, and even though she insisted that Liam makes better French toast than any restaurant—sweet, huh?—he thought it would be fun to take them out on a little adventure.

Before I left for work that morning, I asked Liam to send me photos throughout the day to keep me posted on the things they did together so I wouldn’t feel left out. The first picture I got from him through text was one of Nora sitting on a public toilet, in some restaurant, with the caption: Restaurant poop to start the day.

My reply back: Oh geez. Of course, to be expected. LOL!

I’ll refrain from posting the photo here as the content of this post is embarrassing enough. But take my word that the image of Nora on the potty working hard and Frances looking on, not to mention imagining Liam behind the phone’s camera, in the men’s room (usually I am the one to escort Nora on restaurant potty duty), was enough to send me into hysterical laughter for just a moment.

Not twenty minutes later, another text photo arrived. The setting was eerily similar to the first. Perhaps they were in the third stall this time, as opposed to the first. The caption of this text read simply: Deuce #2.

Too much, this girl.

Several more photos arrived of the girls later in the morning playing happily at the park. Thankfully for Liam, there were no more public restroom pooping incidents.

When I came home after a busy and tiring day at work, we decided to make a trip to the local English pub to continue the day’s festivities. It should be noted here that it is very rare indeed for us to go out to eat more than one time in a day, hence setting up the opportunity for record-breaking possibilities.

Halfway through dinner Nora told me she needed to go potty. Since I already knew about her two earlier restaurant poops, I assumed we were in the clear, and that she just needed to pee. The two of us got into the stall where she sat for a minute. After chatting about the color of the paint on the wall and wondering aloud about what she thought her sister was doing back at the table, she looked up at me blankly. I took this as a sign she had finished her business.

“All done?” I asked her, silently begging her to say yes. “Ready to go out and wash hands?”

“All done?” she repeated, with a raised voice, clearly offended by my question. “I just got started. I have to go poopy, silly Mommy.”

Oh geez. Here we go, I thought. Of. Course. Silly Mommy, indeed. What was I thinking? Three times in one day. Surely a record.

Enjoying her birthday French toast. With no shame. Which is as it should be. 

An Unexpected Visit

Keeping the post brief tonight. My sister-in-law is here visiting from Martha’s Vineyard. She flew in to Philadelphia for a conference yesterday, and is having dinner and a sleepover with us!

A couple of updates:

#1: Turns out Nora’s mysterious “cousin” Oscar who was in Europe (which I thought she completely made up), is in fact an actual person. He is classmate of hers and was indeed on vacation in Europe. She even knew the name of the country he visited—Hampsterdam! This girl is too much.

#2: Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve traumatized our littlest and that she no longer enjoys taking baths. A few days after the “poopy in the tub” incident, we experienced a repeat performance. The oldest let us know about it straightaway, and Liam took his turn cleaning it all up. Thankfully, no grown-ups were in the bath at this time.

Still, I tried—as best you can with a toddler her age—to explain that if she needs to go poopy she needs to let us know so we can take her out of the tub.

“Why?” she asked me.

“Because it’s yucky,” I answered, wrinkling my face up to show my disgust.

“Oh,” she said, looking horrified and very sorry.

Two nights ago, she was in the tub for only a few minutes when she started yelling, “Out! Out!”

I inferred maybe she needed to go potty, so I placed her on the training ring on top of the toilet. She sat, but made no business. I put her in a diaper and minutes later she pooped. Such a smart little girl. I made an effort of being all excited and proud that she told us she had to go by saying she wanted out.

And then last night I gently reminded her once again about the poopy issue. She lasted in the tub maybe a minute before screaming, “Out!” This time though, I think she was crying wolf. I fear she fears our reaction should she go again, and just wants to avoid the situation at all costs.

So, no more lecturing from me. Poor gal. We’ll see how things go tonight.

It Was a Great Day—Right up until It Wasn’t

Our family had the nicest day together yesterday. We woke up in no hurry to go anyplace. We lounged around the house and enjoyed a pancake breakfast. We played outside in the snow and made a “Snowgirl”, complete with tufted hairpieces.

Our family Snowgirl.

Our family Snowgirl.

After we all napped for a spell, we headed out to the local Irish pub in town for some Irish session music. The girls danced on the stage there and colored in their coloring books, allowing us to enjoy some precious adult conversation and mellow downtime. Then, we capped off the evening at a pizza parlor, enjoying a pie and pleasant conversation.

On the drive home Liam and I talked about how it had been such a great family day. Nora asked why and we explained that we got to do some very fun things—nobody had to work, we got out of the house for a bit, and we were able to enjoy just spending time with one another.

At home, the fun continued as I’d promised the ladies I’d take a girls’ bath with them. We filled the tub with bubbles and soaked in the suds. Nora ratted on her sister once for trying to drink the soapy tubby water (she’s a very observant and concerned big sister—read, tattler). Otherwise, everyone got along just fine.

We had probably been sitting in the water for twenty minutes when Nora suddenly pointed and shouted, “Mommy! Oh no! Look! A poopy! Franny did some poopies in the water!”

Definitely not the words you want to hear, well, EVER. But especially not when you’re actually in the tub with the poopy and your youngest may or may not have ingested particles of it only moments earlier.

Liam heard the commotion and came running, took one look in the tub—we were all standing up at this point, paralyzed with indecision—made a face like, glad it’s you and not me in there, and then proceeded to actually walk away. Can you believe that?

“Get back here!” I yelled. “And do something!”

He smirked, chuckled, and then handed me some toilet paper. Awesome. Husband of the year, right here, folks.

At this point, the water was slowly draining. It was slowly draining because about six or seven pieces of toddler shit were gathering nicely in the drain, while several others floated on by near our feet. We decided to keep the girls in the tub so I could turn the shower on when the water drained and hose us all off and rid us of toxic hazardous waste.

In the meantime, I had to fish out the little turds so the damn water could drain properly. I made Liam promise to forever erase the image in front of him from his mind, of his very pregnant, naked wife bending over, grasping at mushy shitballs with only soaking wet toilet paper between her hands and the mush, gagging, while his daughters looked on half in horror, half in mild amusement. Definitely a low point for us all.

After all the shrieking and excitement died down, I lectured Frances about going number two in the bath. I told her no more. That she needed to tell me when she had to go so I could put her in a diaper (she refuses to sit on the potty chair or the toilet at this point).

And then, after some thought, there was a fleeting moment when I remembered that Frances might have tried to tell me she had to go, or was actually going. At one point early on in the bath she was busy scratching her bum uncomfortably, and she might have even said poopy (I can’t be sure, but it seems likely. I was preoccupied at the time reading news of the impending snowstorm and checking my weather app every few moments, hoping against all hope for school to be cancelled—we ended up just having a delay). The problem is, she says “poopy” all the time, sometimes when she has in fact gone in her diaper, and sometimes just for the hell of it. How was I to know?

Liam had basketball tonight, so I was on my own with the girls for a bit. We took another girls’ tubby—I know, it was real risky after last night’s episode. I told them no bubbles. Mommy wants to be able to see what’s in the water tonight. Nora giggled. Frances looked clueless. Poor girl. She has no idea. No idea.

Thankfully, we made it through without any incidents. The girls are both sleeping soundly and I’m hoping for another delay tomorrow. Go snow!